I wrote this more than two years ago. A particular tweet from “Jesus_M_Christ” on Twitter this weekend made me dust it off again.
It happened while hundreds of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints were live tweeting about their semiannual church conference, a two-day event broadcast by satellite and Internet all over the world.
Mormons took over Twitter for about four hours each day, broadcasting 26,000 tweets about quotes from church leaders, expressions of faith and a number of insider wisecracks.
More than a few people offered derogatory tweets in response.
But none received as much attention as the one from “Jesus_M_Christ,” who makes frequent references to drugs, profanity and sexual positions in his tweets.
“The Mormons are holding a conference this weekend. I was invited, but frankly they creep me out.”
It was retweeted over and over again.
I have to admit. Seeing wave after wave of people retweet this and a follow-up tweet comparing Utah to the depths of hell stung a little.
It reminded me of the following anti-Mormon sentiment I discovered two years ago:
The rambling letter, from an organization calling itself the Freedom Defense Advocates, alleges Romney is running for president at the bidding of church leaders and that Mormons are a violent people who want to overthrow the U.S. Constitution.
“Help me sound the alarm that one day the Mormon Church plans to replace the Constitution with a Mormon theocracy,” reads the letter, signed by John Boyd. Click here to read more
if “you think religion, especially Christianity, is being marginalized by ACLU and other organizations” then “you would be piling on” if you vote for Mitt Romney because “Mormonism is a cult. In case I didn’t type it clearly enough … Mormonism is a cult.”
City Councilman Craig Adamson as quoted here.
“His candidacy alone has been a long infomercial for the Mormon cult,” said Bill Keller, an evangelist in Florida who runs an Internet prayer network. “As president he’s going to carry the influence of that office, not just here but worldwide, and there’s no denying it’s going to lead people to check out that religion, which according to biblical Christianity, will lead them ultimately to hell.”
A Mormon’s Ultimate Doorbell, New York Times, Dec. 9
Well, if I’m headed for hell, then I guess I better load up the mini-van for warm weather. I hear you shouldn’t try the salsa down there.
So they want to blackball me from heaven. Passport denied, weirdo. Well if it’s true, it won’t be because of multiple wives. I’ve never pledged a blood oath to Joseph Smith or Mitt Romney. Never been able to grow any horns. Heck, I’m still trying to grow back my hair.
Let’s see. What else in the Mormon Church could seal my eternal doom? I don’t like BYU football, can barely remember one Donny Osmond song and can live without green Jell-O. So it can’t be any of that. The only animal I sacrificed was the Thanksgiving turkey.
Hmm. What could it be? In Sunday school, I think I’ve been taught about 400 gazillion times from the Bible about loving my neighbor. Pretty crazy stuff. That might work.
The Mormons actually have the gall about reminding me to obey all the 10 Commandments, although I coveted my neighbor’s peach pie once.
The church is always teaching me about Jesus Christ and how to be like him. That can’t be good, right. They keep telling me all this stuff about being compassionate, patient and kind. Seek as much education as you can. Keep your body healthy, be loyal to your wife and love your kids.
Wait a second. This e-mail just came in.
TO: The Weird Mormon
FROM: Hell Review Committee
RE: Application for membership denied for the following reason.
“Each religion has its own unique doctrines and history. These are not bases for criticism but rather a test of our tolerance. Religious tolerance would be a shallow principle indeed if it were reserved only for faiths with which we agree.”
Guess that means you’re stuck with me. And I will try not to be creepy.
18 comments
RALLEN says:
Jan 1, 2008
Don’t like BYU Football? That is grounds for church discipline. You heathen!!!
billie says:
Jan 1, 2008
dang meddling mormons!! always trying to take over the world!!!
Rustman says:
Jan 2, 2008
I’ve always been a little suspicious of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, as well as the church’s unusually heavy involvement in the Boy Scout program and genealogy. I think it’s a three-pronged attempt to gather forces around the world, and then strike just when the time is right. While they’re singing and soluting, others will be stealing your ancestors out from under you. Add to that their curious refusal to participate in tobacco and alcohol consumption, and you have yourself the makings of a devious operation. They figure if they can be the ones to drive people home at night, they can recite subliminal Book of Mormon passages that will cause those who are drunk to become converted. I think they even have a scripture which says that many are cult, but few are chosen.
mike johnson says:
Jan 2, 2008
Dear wierd Mike’
good comments aaout those wierd LDSers.
Fellow wierd Mormon Mike J.
lacey says:
Jan 2, 2008
hilariuous
Raphael says:
Jan 2, 2008
Ahhh — don’t forget to include how we are forced to serve missions and the mandetory payroll deductions for tithing and the conscript 20 hours of service and church meeting attendence per week, etc. etc. Guess that’s what we get for being New Testament Christians.
Ron says:
Jan 2, 2008
I love that last quote from Romney’s Faith in America Speech. Just thought I would let people know where that came from…
Joe M says:
Jan 2, 2008
Ok, so, they are probably not a cult. I mean, I never heard of anyone being forced to drink cool aid or anything. But, There are only two groups of people, the keep coming back and knocking on my door after I ask them not to. Mormon’s and Jehova Witness. (I’m pretty sure the later is a cult, but who knows)
I agree, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, Our constitution says this. So, why is it that these two groups will not respect the fact that people have their own beliefs, and that it is rude at the very least to try and change them.
I fail to believe that the church that claims to have the largest geneology data base in the world, can’t create a do not visit list.
Thomas says:
Jan 2, 2008
Joe M — If the accuracy of Mormon genealogical records is any indication, there’s your answer re: why a “do not visit list” is beyond LDS capabilities. According to familysearch.org, my great-great-times-some-huge-number grandfather was a guy named Odin, residence, Asgard, Central Asia.
For those of you not versed in Norse mythology, that’s like saying I’m descended from Zeus. I think those records get a little fuzzy somewhere.
Alan Beste says:
Jan 2, 2008
To Thomas
It was thr\e apparent duty of royal genealogists to tap into diety. For example, many kings were supposedly related to Jesus (as a cousin, of course) through such spurious lines as, for example, claiming that they were related to Joseph of Arimathea, who was, also supposedly, an uncle of Jesus’. All of this, I would guess, based on legends that were probably based on legends promulgated by court genealogists who wanted to keep their jobs. It also made these kings jewish, but not “too” jewish. It also gave them one (or two) lines that went “all the way back to Adam.”
Steve says:
Jan 3, 2008
Great article!
Heather says:
Jan 3, 2008
Lest there be confusion — no one is forced on a mission, tithing is not an auto-deduction
. In our efforts to be funny, let us not add to the myths!
And re: Joe M’s question — if you felt you had found the key to happiness, wouldn’t you want to tell everyone?
Grateful to be Weird!
Running Fish says:
Jan 4, 2008
Mormons like me don’t seem to be much in tune with what’s going on in American culture these days. Hey, wait a minute, is there a connection between the word “culture” and the word “cult?” If so, then being a little “weird” might be just the thing to save us culthood. Now, where did I put that last danged can of Postum?
Debbie Dreher says:
Jan 5, 2008
You can’t even remember one Donny Osmond song? For shame! I’m his number #1 fan and have some of his recent CD’s and a concert DVD – I’ll have to have to borrow them and become reaquainted!! (I have a new Donny shirt, too – yes, I’m a little obsessed…
I don’t care about BYU football either – don’t feel bad…
Charlotte says:
May 18, 2012
Looks like I am 143 weeks late in commenting.
Probably because I'm a weird Mormon.
I was just telling my daughter the other day that many people are cruel about our beliefs (or any stricter belief set) because they feel we are judging them. Adding a little humor and not taking yourself too seriously all the time will help them relax without having to lower your standards. This, I think, is a great example.
LaurieBee says:
May 18, 2012
Yes, it does sting a little; but it also makes us strong. There's a story about an ancestor of mine who shielded his wife's body with his own while she was giving childbirth because rocks were being pelted through the windows of their home. The minute the baby was born, he left the house and took of running so the mob would run after him and leave his wife and baby alone. He ran miles before he escaped the mob. That's just ONE story from my ancestors. And the result? Descendents who take the sting with gratitude, knowing in their hearts how this will all turn out in the end. Great post, Mike.
PatrickLair says:
May 18, 2012
As a non-Mormon who lives and works in southern Utah I have two thoughts:
1) Spend a little time here and you'll gain a lot of admiration for how family-oriented the people are and how clean and safe the communities are
BUT
2) There is definitely a set way of doing things here that is run through the Mormon church and outsiders better tread carefully.
Steph (sahans) says:
May 18, 2012
I've heard in never snows in Hell and the weather is rather balmy… a little like Florida. There are so many other, better reasons to be casted into the depths of Hell. Listening to Ke$ha for example… I think you get an automatic Hell Green Card for that.