I have the sweetest mother-in-law in the history of the world.

It doesn’t matter who you are, she’ll talk to you. It could be at the World Cup, bone-marrow convention or blood transfusion, expect her to strike up a conversation.

And she won’t stop at hello. You might hear information you don’t want to know.

You could be the clerk at a grocery store, moving our groceries past the scanner one at a time.

And she will begin. It might sound something like this:

“Hi, this is my son-in-law and his family. He gets up late on Saturdays and eats two pieces of wheat toast with honey every day.”

She doesn’t do it to be intrusive. Only she doesn’t have an ounce of cynicism in her 4-foot-nothing body. It’s just that she can be friends with everybody. I want to be like her some day.

For the most part, I do pride myself on being friendly. In order not to say too much at the wrong time, I have to remind myself on these key points.

The guy mowing his lawn only gets the head nod from me, if we make eye contact.

Somebody driving by me gets a half wave. Unless I know them real well, then I might yell something. That’s if my wife isn’t around.

While in the bathroom, absolutely no conversations allowed with people in the adjoining urinal. If there must be conversation with co-workers, eyes should directed straight ahead.

Conversation topics generally do not include graphic details about bloody cysts, emergency room visits, sex, politics. Religion depends on the person.

Generally do not talk to little kids on the street unless mom and dad are right there.

If people are shifting their feet or turning red in the face while talking to you, it usually means one of two things. They either have to go to the bathroom or they’re looking for an exit strategy while talking to you.