So when were you going to tell me about this marriage stuff? When were you going to tell me about what not to say about that dress, getting rebuffed, the best sleeping position for the couch, how to say sorry, how not to screw up the laundry and to listen without the game on.

Are you listening? It would have been nice to know these other gems as well when I got hitched more than 20 years ago.

I wish I knew you had to tell somebody when you left the house.

That somebody may actually have a different way of thinking than you.

It’s not always what she’s saying but why she is saying.

You could make the most logical case in the world and it won’t matter to her.

It doesn’t matter if you changed the last diaper. Change it again.

You will have disagreements. It’s how you solve them.

Decide the difference between a need versus a want.

Date night is not optional.

You don’t get a disease from holding hands.

Don’t wait until Mother’s Day to make her breakfast.

Her favorite band.

Her favorite escape.

Stop faking sleeping when the baby cries.

Pay more attention to her than the VCR.

Put your glass away after using it.

The game really doesn’t matter when she wants to talk.

Does it really matter? Suck it up and move the couch back for the third time.

Follow through means something more than your swing.

You can’t fix her.

So what if you were falsely accused.

It’s not the end of the world if you have to do the dishes two nights in a row.

It’s not the end of the world if she says, “Not tonight.”