So you’ve never been to Rexburg, Idaho, one of the whitest and Mormon places of them all. (Yes, even more than some places in that red state to the south.)

Never been there before? Not to worry. Here’s what you need to know in one minute.

You won’t find a coffee house here, that I can see. You have to go to Idaho Falls for that. The town’s biggest bookstore features a collection mostly from authors of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Mitt-Romney

Hey Mitt! I think you've got the Rexburg vote.

Welcome to the reddest place in America, where a busload of schoolchildren once shouted “Assassinate Obama” in November 2008. The mayor has since apologized. Note to Mitt Romney when you run in 2012: No need to waste a lot of resources in Rexburg. I think you just might win the popular vote here. To be honest, “change you can believe in” is commonly used for purchasing $1.65 scoops of ice cream at a local eatery.

On Sundays, the place is virtually silent as most stores shut down in observance of the Sabbath. Very few cars are on the streets, making it possible to play Monopoly in the middle of an intersection. (Were it not for the approaching police officer, I considered testing that theory.)

It’s not uncommon to find people reading the Bible or Book of Mormon at a city park on Sunday. Young married couples are everywhere, either pregnant, pushing babies, holding hands or making eyes at each other. A lot of them laugh, go on cheap dates and smile a lot. It’s really weird.

If you do come here, watch out for the students from nearby BYU-Idaho. It’s not that they’re bad. In fact, quite the opposite. They’re so friendly and happy all the time, willing to tote your barge and lift your bales. Only one problem. They must feel closer to heaven at this church school, because they text while walking everywhere, including in front of oncoming traffic.

Here in Mormonville, the store manager could be your bishop, the car dealer might ask where you served a mission and your math teacher might also me your Sunday School instructor.

You should know that it snows here an awful lot and gets very cold. They consider it spring when your lips finally unthaw.

Despite the oppressive winter at times, people still seem happy here. Few people lock their cars at night. They smile more, there’s very little trash on the streets, the place is crawling with Eagle Scouts and it’s cool to be on the ballroom dance team in high school. That’s how it is at the home of the Idaho International Dance & Music Festival.

So if you ever happen to turn north at Idaho Falls taking a back way to Yellowstone, stop by Rexburg.

Just don’t mention Obama’s name.