Is This Mike On?

It’s almost midnight on Saturday and I’m drinking a Diet Sunkist.

Seems pretty harmless on the surface, right? Just me finishing up a can with zero calories, fat or sugar left over from my stash three months ago. Nothing wrong with a little malic acid and sodium benzoate at this time of night.

It’s better than Obama sneaking a cigarette somewhere in the middle of the night. Makes me wonder if there’s a guy responsible for holding his cigs and a lighter. Maybe it’s the guy who carries around the nuke codes.

I see there’s modified corn starch. They use that for gravy during Thanksgiving. So I’m just getting into the spirit of the holiday a littler sooner, right?

Wait, this part on the can is bolded for some reason.

PHENYLKETOMURICS: CONTAINS PHENYLALANINE

Oh my gosh. I’m going to die right now. This pheny-, phenyl- (whatever) will turn me into a tenor. It’s chemical infusion to my brain will  probably make me forget to empty the trash or something.

Let’s see what this site says. PHENYLKETOMURICS: CONTAINS PHENYLALANINE is simply a warning for people who have PKU. They’re not allowed to drink any products containing aspartame.

Well glad that doesn’t affect me, as I take another drink. I certainly don’t have PKU.

I grab hold of the container and tilt my head to read the ingredients again. There’s acesulfame potassium, ester gum, Yellow 6 and Red 40.

Oh yeah. And 41 milligrams of caffeine. Diet Pepsi has 36 milligrams for the same size can.

Water is beginning to sound better and better.

Maybe tomorrow.

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