Is This Mike On?

At my house, I look the other way when my son flings cotton swabs in the general vicinity of the garbage can. At your house, I carefully monitor the bathroom every 15 minutes for anything out of place.

At my house, we’ve set up a permanent memorial for Sunday’s dinner remnants, complete with flowers and a little stone marker. At your house, I bus everybody’s dishes after dinner and clean up the neighbor’s house as well.

At my house, stern rebukes are commonplace where parents are always “sick and tired.” At your house, reprimands are always done with a smile and just a hint of Mary Poppins.

I don’t get angry, spill anything or leave the seat up at your house. My bed is always made with hospital corners, my kids volunteer to help without arguing and nobody complains about dinner. Dirty laundry never happens or indoor belches for that matter.

We don’t have gas, never argue and always have a family sing-a-long before bed. Away from home, we shun TV watching for a service project to help the local homeless population and find time to tutor underprivileged youth.

The moral of the story: Our family should move permanently into your home. Hope you don’t mind.

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