I heard something the other day that might help me be a better dad.
It came from a church talk, listing three ways to improve your relationship with your sons.
First, listen to them. Really listen to them.
I’m finding I don’t do that enough because I’m all about the canned speeches. The words will barely leave their mouths when I have my response ready.
Don’t make excuses.
If I can do it, you can do it.
Can you just stop talking so I can decompress for three hours?
I wonder what would happen if I listen more and talk less. I might just know what’s going on in their lives. They might have more trust in me.
The speaker says to ask the right kind of questions and listen to what your sons say. Connect the best way you know how. Maybe it’s before bed or during a fishing trip.
Second, pray with and for your sons. Never give up on your sons, even when fervent prayer in their behalf is all you can do.
Third, dare to have the big talks with your sons. It could be about drugs or drinking, respect for girls and moral cleanliness. This doesn’t mean you still can’t have fun. But don’t shy away from these important chances to talk and let them know where you stand.
4 comments
Veronica Sopher says:
Oct 13, 2009
Thanks for this post and the reminders, Mike. There have been many nights when my brain is in the condition of a mostly melted scoop of vanilla ice cream, and all I can do is nod when my son's talking to me. A lot of parents have trouble getting their kids to talk, and here I am, wasting great opportunities to connect with my son…
Side note: I love that "family" is the biggest word in your tag cloud.
DebKaye5 says:
Oct 14, 2009
Cool! I have to say I've done two & three pretty consistently but one is a struggle!One on one time is great! I always loved the dates with my Dad and still do! We've always been close and I think those special times contributed to it. As you know I've had to be both Mom & Dad to my oldest son (teen) and the last few years there has been conflct. They do want you to listen. I also think I know what he is asking or telling me and am ready for an answer to give him and have learned to be quiet and listen.
DebKaye5 says:
Oct 14, 2009
He's always been able to talk to me about anything and fortunately I didn't shut him out during those bad times. As he's matured or I have we have a nicer close relationship. He likes to talk to me (a lot) when I want my down time, too. I've been trying not to be as selfish with my time.
DebKaye5 says:
Oct 14, 2009
This time with our kids we can't take back and re-do. I've also noticed that when they talk at or to us so much that we feel smothered (it happens!) it's because they miss us and don't feel the closeness and just need a little time and then they're fueled up for awhile. The other day my oldest told me that I was his best friend!! It made me feel good, even though he knows I'm his parent and we still have our issues (since we're not perfect), but there's been real progress. (And this is the son that I wanted out of the house & couldn't live with last year!) Now I need to divide my time among the other 3 teen boys more often. As you know they leave soon enough… (this is the rest of the comment from above – Yes – I talk a lot and I wrote too much to fit into this comment. Maybe that's why I got A's in creative writing and D's in Journalism?) Ha!