Your husband feels more comfortable in a landfill.

He thinks old wrappers from Burger King make suitable floormats.

He’s prone to leave finger nail clippings next to the butter tray.

For all you crying wives out there forced to wear HAZMAT suits in your home. It’s never too late for him to change.

Because I did. Things almost always go back in their home, you can see the floor in my van and I clean up after I cook.

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Most of you ladies wouldn't care if Gerard Butler left his socks in the bathroom.

That’s not to say I have relapses where my moldy lawn shoes end up next to my pillow. Even Gerard Butler has bad hair days now and then. And I’m guessing 99 percent of you wouldn’t care if he left toast crumbs in the morning.

But as of this very moment:

There is not one piece of garbage in the van. And it’s been vacuumed twice this week alone.

All unnecessary items have been removed from my nightstand.

All clothes are either in the closet, folded or in the hamper.

I was feeling really good about myself until my wife called me into the bathroom to take me to task.

“This Listerine bottle needs to be parked next to the other Listerine bottles.”

I should really tell her not to push me too hard or I might revert back.

I wonder how she feels about bread crumbs in her makeup?

Photo from collider.com